|
THE SWEDISH CHAIR (writing in writing)
- © by Eva Maria Franchi
all rights protected and reserved -
It was a cry of desolation, shock and cruel astonishment, like a baby who turns a slight wound into a tragedy; the wound that makes him realise that material is hard, material hurts, man is vulnerable and mortal.
He had failed again, like this bonkers writer who thinks she can write a proper script in English.
"Rubbish! It sounds rubbish!
My English is not bad, but it’s not good enough…let's face it! I should ask a professional translator."
A phone call distracts me from my language problems.
It's Antonella asking me if I'm interested in a shiatsu seminar being held by Oashi.
"No, I'm sorry, I'm busy that weekend. Are you going to go?"
Of course she will, she rarely misses a seminar.
"Oh well, you can tell me about it. And please…could you ask Oashi a question for me?"
"Sure" answer Antonella "What?"
"Ask him if shiatsu is good for the sight" (Oashi is a Japanese man who wears the thickest pair of glasses I've ever seen in my life)
"Why are you so silly?" Antonella reproaches me
"I'm not. It's a caring question"
"If you are interested in problems of sight you should study the Bates method"
"Yes I know, but asking Oashi about it intrigues me much more…"
All right. Where was I?
Mr. Smith was crying.
What had happened to poor Mr. Smith?
He had fooled himself into thinking that he could dare…but things worked out a bit differently.
He went into his manager’s office with great self confidence to ask him for a salary increase.
Before that, he had had a very convincing discussion with himself.
He played the part of the manager. He played the part of Mr. Smith. He got his pay rise with the compliments of his boss who congratulated him on his professionalism and honesty.
Everybody was happy.
"Do you think you'll attend the venter dance seminary?" Ask Antonella
"Sure! That’s one I don't wanna miss. I like playing odalisque. What's the date?"
"What's the date today?" the manager asks Mr. Smith
"January 27th"
"Poor me! Too much work, too much stress and too many economic problems. I don't even remember what day it is today…Sit down Mr. Smith. May I help you?"
"Cinzia has a friend who is an expert in belly dancing; she gave birth to her baby while dancing. They say that if you learn to dominate this part of your body you can postpone or anticipate your menstruation, if you need to. Not to mention your sex life!"
Mr. Smith is speechless.
"May I help you?" asks the manager again, his tone a bit impatient now.
"Do you know that Aldous Huxley was nearly blind? He recovered his sight thanks to the Bates method."
"Yes, I’ve heard that story. He must have written something about it, too."
"May I swap the chair at my desk with my personal Swedish one? It's much better, more comfortable and healthy…"
WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!! ARE YOU STUPID?! Is Mr. Smith mind talking to itself
COWARD! THAT'S NOT THE QUESTION!
"I hope it won't disturb you if it doesn't fit in with the office furniture. It's for my spinal column"
FOOL!!! Mr. Smith’s mind is arguing with itself again. YOU DON'T HAVE A SWEDISH CHAIR!
"Of course, of course. I don't want to compromise the health of your back for vain reasons of design. The health of our employees above all!"
"Have you ever read anything about Huxley?"
"Only Brave New World and The Doors of Perception"
YOU FOOL!!! YOU DON'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY AND NOW YOU HAVE TO SPEND IT ON THAT FUCKING SWEDISH CHAIR! LET'S FACE IT! YOU ARE A LOSER! THAT'S THE SAD, HURTFUL REALITY.
Mr. Smith is having some existential problems.
He walks confusedly, like a zombie, towards home, his mind continuously arguing.
He takes the lift. Closes the door behind him.
Alone at last!
Now he can cry.
"You spend hours sitting at the computer; you should buy one of those Swedish chairs, you know…the ones you sit on as if you were in the "seiza" position." Antonella advises me.
"Good idea. I'll ask Mr. Smith if he can suggest a good one."
E-mail: evamaria@ecodance.com
|
